[canon ae-1, kodak portra 160]
It was during the drive down from Aspen yesterday that I began to feel that yearning in my bones again. The scene was beautiful. It was raining and there was white powder on the ground from the snowfall the previous night. In the horizon the sun was breaking through the clouds. Music was playing and suddenly a song with a harmonica solo came on. Instinctively I looked out the window and deep into the trees as if expecting someone to come out. I knew right then that I was craving my husband. He is a sweet lullaby that rocks you gently to sleep.
I’m closing in. This normally happens when its Fall. The cold creeps in and I want to stay in bed and meditate on life. It also happens when I feel I’ve given the world too much of myself. When my social network starts to expand to people I don’t really know or I’m on the computer far more often than I am living actual life. Truth is, I am an introvert. I much rather spend my time alone and when my social meter overflows, I start to lose myself and have trouble navigating the world.
I’m closing in. I spoke to a friend yesterday and she wondered if I could reframe it because closing in has such a negative connotation. I told her it was like going to church. I see it as a positive much needed act of love. Its the act of being with yourself, the good and the bad, and learning to love all of it. I don’t speak of going to church as literally going into a building and praying although for some that works wonders. For me, going to church means looking deep within while also allowing a higher being to sit beside me and witness me. Its like taking a mountain drive in the drizzling rain and suddenly in the near distance, there’s a rainbow and the sweet sound of the harmonica floats out of the forest. Church is a landscape of trees, dewdrops in the morning, a ray of sun bursting out from the fog, my family, and my spirituality.
So if you’re looking for me, I’ve gone to church.